I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
