do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
