farters have to be the big spoon...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
