Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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