there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
