There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
