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he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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