I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
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