Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
