just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
