Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
