Pappa wants mamma naked
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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