I think I won the penis lottery.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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