I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
