I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
