I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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