Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His hands were made for my vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
