she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
