he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
