So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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