My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
