do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
