I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
