This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
