piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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