thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
