One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
