I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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