woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
