i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
