Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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