I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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