i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
