Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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