is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
