trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
