Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
