Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
