Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
