where does the pee come out of this thing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
