Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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