Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
