His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
