how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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