Apparently you make a good broom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
