we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
