You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
