i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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