ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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