If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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