Pappa wants mamma naked
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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