He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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