I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
