a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
