I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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