I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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