the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
