So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
