I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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